Hi, my name is Sean and I am an addict.
I was raised in a middle class family with two working parents and a brother, however none of us were close. I remember the day that I realized I wasn’t like them and I felt different. It felt as if there was a “void,” and those feelings continued through my teenage years until I discovered my solution: drugs. I started hanging out with people who needed to fit in the same as I did, and I walked away from my family and began to isolate. I graduated from high school and went on to post-secondary education. I still felt different trying to fit in wherever possible.
I was successful in my career which allowed me to buy a house and all the toys as well (motor bikes, boats, etc). I then met a beautiful woman who later became my wife. We had two boys together, ages 14 and 16 now. I wanted to have the perfect “white picket fence” house and family, however I still felt that void as I sat there in my beautiful home with my children’s laughter around me.
I would go into my garage when the family was asleep and feed my addiction. I thought everything was great until one day my wife told me to get help with my “problem” I was in so much denial about myself and so close minded to the idea. My best thinking at that point was to walk away and isolate as I’ve done my whole life. I was so self-centered!
It took three years of living on the street and in shelters until one day a childhood friend found me and brought me to his home. I had been at my bottom long enough, and I was ready for change.
I remember the day I walked up the front stairs at The Last Door. I was scared, felt alone, and I wanted to run. I had walked into a place that was bursting with positive energy. The music was playing in the kitchen as the guys danced and sang along to the songs. At that point I thought to myself, “I want that feeling.” This was my first “surrender.” I still felt different; however I could relate in some ways and identify with the feelings that others had. I found my new family at The Last Door.
Today, through the process of writing the 12 Steps of Narcotics Anonymous, along with the help of The Last Door, I now have two families. I have stopped the damage and can co-parent with my kids’ mom. I am present physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially for my children. I have the best relationship I’ve ever had with my parents and brother.
Being in recovery doesn’t stop life from happening, however today I have the tools to deal with “life on life’s terms” situations. I remain teachable.
Thanks Last Door Recovery Society for loving me until I could love myself.
Clean date: January 24, 2008