Candance Plattor – Loving an Addict Loving Yourself

Talk Recovery Radio

What you should know if your loved one is using drugs.

Candace Platter, author of Loving an Addict Loving Yourself and very well-known in recovery circles. Candace was one of the very first guests on the show four years ago.

Talking about your book, “loving addict loving yourself”. Why is that so hard? Why is it so hard to love an addict and love yourself?

I think that the people who love addicts are remembering them the way they knew them before and they really love them. I think it’s also difficult for them because they don’t know what to do to help. Often, they’re doing the wrong things because there’s very little help for people who are loved ones of addicts.

What to do when someone is using drugs.

  • Understand the true nature of addiction.
  • Face the truth even when you don’t want to.
  • See your own behavior more clearly.
  • Set boundaries with the addict when they ask for something that will only hurt them—or you—further.
  • And most importantly, how to look after YOU.

One of the most common ways to enable is to give money to the addict, don’t ever give money to your active addict. Sometimes people let them live at home. These two issues keep the addiction active, we need to make it a lot less cushy for the addict.

We need to set clear healthy self-respectful boundaries. The loved ones need to start to identify what their boundaries really are and then they need to learn how to language those boundaries. The addict’s job is to wear you down, if you allow that to happen you might as well never ever set a boundary again because they’re just going to keep poking at you. You must repeat your boundaries many times to finally have them heard.

Family Members who use drugs

The loved ones start to understand that enabling is never a loving act toward an addict because it just keeps the addiction going. The loved ones of people with an addiction need to be willing to come out of their own comfort zones and it’s difficult as that’s how they have been living for a long time. It’s usually the loved one that needs to come out of their comfort zone before the addict will. The love one’s lead by example they don’t wait for the addict to change, they may be changed the way that they interact with the person that’s struggling with addiction

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