Before I went for treatment I was losing my sanity. My life was full of misery, isolation, and loneliness. I denied that I had a problem and I denied the fact that I needed help. I lied, I stole and I cheated. I threw away a two year marriage because I was unwilling to do anything about it. I had pushed my friends and family so far away, that I thought it was easier to just not contact them, then it was to actually tell them what I was doing. I began avoiding all non addicts; I started belittling all the people who had normal lives, families and hobbies. My life became narrowed and my only concern was confined to the daily maintenance of my disease.
On September 22, 2011 I had hit my rock bottom were my insanity had finally risen higher then my walls of denial. I felt forced to get honest about my disease I phoned an old friend of mine that I knew had gone thru treatment. He picked me up from Kelowna and brought me straight to a meeting in New Westminster called “winners” where for the first time in my life I stood up in front of two hundred plus people and said “My name is Lance and I’m an addict. I collected a hug and a white key fob and then sat in fear, listening to people share about their stories, and thinking to myself “is this it? Is this what it’s going be like for the rest of my life”?
After that meeting I was taken straight to the Last door, where I was welcomed with a lot of friendly smiles and tons of energy! I was so overwhelmed from the day I already had, now all of the people, all the new names, the new faces, the fear, after laying down to go to sleep for the first time at Last Door, it felt like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that everything was going to be o.k….. It felt like home….
It didn’t take me long to make new friends, real friends, something that I didn’t have when I was in my addiction. My feeling of loneliness immediately started to ease, there were people around me laughing, having fun, living and enjoying life, their new life, life in recovery. It was hard for me not to get inspired, I wanted what they had, so I surrounded myself with the people that were doing recovery and felt I had become a part of something. I built a support group and got myself a sponsor. My sponsor guided me threw a set of steps and my support group held me accountable for all my actions. I stayed in primary treatment for six months and then five months in secondary treatment. In that time I learned how to live with spiritual principles like honesty, willingness, kindness, compassion, and acceptance. I have gained self esteem, morality, integrity, and dignity. Instead of isolation I have found fellowship. Rather than constantly trying to get by on my own limited power, I have developed a conscious contact with a power greater than myself I had found a new way to live.
Thanks to the Last Door for getting me up to the starting line for my new life in recovery I am grateful to have had the opportunity to have stayed at the last door and I am proud to say “I am a door boy”. The Last Door is where I got my heart back, it is where I learned how to be a better son to my parents, a better brother to my sister, a better uncle to my nephews and I am truly grateful for that.