Hi, My names Addison and I am an addict
I was born and raised in Calgary, Alberta. As a child I never had many friends, so I wore a mask, changing my identity just to fit in with the kids around me. I realized I strived for that rush of adrenaline, whether it be getting in trouble or playing sports. As I grew older I tried different things all in efforts to look normal with the people around me, until one day I found drugs, then I felt as though that I had found the missing piece to fill that void inside.
At first I justified my addiction, telling lies to myself on a constant basis just in efforts to use more, but then it became to much, I no longer went to school, I started doing things that compromised my beliefs such as stealing from friends and even family, and i could no longer tolerate the outside world. I tried to quit many times before but nothing would last longer then a couple of days and I would return back to the grind of insanity.
I remember thinking to myself, the drugs beat me, I am no longer in control of my life and all I wanted was the pain to stop, so I went to my dad and told him I need to go to treatment.
As I arrived to the airport in Vancouver I remember having second thoughts, I was filled with fear of the unknown and truly didn’t know what to expect. I was picked up by Bill one of the counsellors at the door, and we drove right up to the last door, already I was thinking this couldn’t be a treatment centre, where are the gates, where’s the big white faculty I had always seen in the movies, until he told me this wasn’t like any of those I had seen on tv. As I walked through the houses I saw people laughing and and happy, it was completely different then what I had expected.
My first couple of weeks there I would love to say was easy, but I struggled, I fought and didn’t want to pay attention to the rules, but they didn’t lose faith in me. I remember thinking to myself one day, I never been to jail, never done certain things maybe i didn’t hit rock bottom, until I heard in a meeting your bottom is when you put the shovel down, it was then I realized I wanted more to life then what I had in addiction. I went to movies, worked out and went swimming at a local centre, did some step work, participated in events and even got to see Vancouver for the first time in my life. I thought I would be stuck inside for 90 days looking at the outside through a window but truly I was wrong. The best parts about the last door is the unity, the meetings and then the meeting after the meetings at a local coffee shop or bowling alleys. I found true friends inside this community, and I found my true self.
Today I live back in Calgary with my family, I thought it would be tough but I just use the same tools I had learnt from the door. I attend after treatment care at Health Upwardly Mobile (HUM) and this has been one of the best foundations in my recovery today, it’s like being back in group all over again! A year ago I had second thoughts on living a life without the use of drugs, but today I wouldn’t change this for anything, I no longer have to look over my shoulder in fear, or struggle with making a pay check last more then a couple of days, today I can love myself for who I am and for that I am incredibly greatful.
Thank you Last Door Recovery Society for teaching me how to live life clean
Clean date : April 16th 2014