The man that once looked at life like there was no hope, love or peace has left and the man that is before you right now took his place. I grew up between the white and yellow line left with my own thoughts of “How could this have happened to me, with parents and family with so much love for me?”
My family taught me how to respect and love life as well as the people in it and I end up alone in despair and pain. With so many in a crowd that I stand in and yet no one can hear me is when silence took my voice. A voice that was raised to speak for my nation has been taken over for 11 years out of a million words in the vocabulary to only using but a few.
I had given this world of addiction the power to rule my life and run it along, with my whole being to the ground to where I had to look up to see the belly of a snake. Although I was going through the motions of living and always looking to the ground and never looking people eye to eye was not worthy of it. I became the world’s best floor inspector and isolator. I remember thinking at one point “finally they are leaving me alone”. I stood in my living room talking to the walls and the loud voices in my head, to which, I began the think they were real. Then from there to a really demonistic kind of growl that even when people talked to me all I could hear was the growl of the beast that came from within.
11 plus years of lying, stealing and cheating has brought me to this place in New Westminster called “Last Door” to which, to this day, I call home. I was asked a question by an elder “If you could change anything in your past, [would you]?” My first thought that went through my head was “yes” but i answered him saying “no”. He just nodded his head and threw another log on the campfire and said “why not? As the sun was setting on the day and became darker and cooler, to where the flames became warmer and brighter, I answered him because I would only be cheating myself and others. By sharing and accepting my past I can help another addict on how to deal with certain aspects of his/her past and become the person they are striving to be.
There are 2 important words that I have learned to use a lot through my journey of life and they are love and balance. There is a saying in my culture. One that I had forgotten but I live it every day, now and that is “Live within your heart”. Today I have and live a balanced life of recovery. I am able to look in the mirror and people in the eyes with no shame, guilt or pain. I have a life that I thought I could never have but I sit here living the dream. It all started with one act of simply surrendering my will and control to a power other than myself. Right now life for me is so bright that I gotta wear shades.
Thanks to my home and all my brothers in it (Last Door).
ONE ADDICT HELPING ANOTHER!!!